It has been long since I entered a church building; the last time was for a funeral of a member of my extended family near Christmas two years ago. For many years I felt there was peace between God and me. Televangelists for the most part leave me cold; they so misinterperet "the Word"; one who had of himself made sense and was able to relate it to today for some reason felt he needed a "circus trick" of someone babbling nonsensically, pretending to have been given the gift of tongues. I e-mailed and told him how low that had taken him down. I tuned in only once more; he was saying a public Act of Contrition for a thing he did not name, but was saddened that he "fell"(from grace).. It was sad, but we all are subject to fall to evil. It disguises itself and comes when we are the most vulnerable. Being human, that is what we are. Fallible.
This thing I do more often now than ever is to tune in to Holy Mass broadcast from the Vatican. I know Pope Benedict is on 'Facebook', and though I am a fan of his, Facebook is not one of my stations.
More often than not, the context of the mass touches on something in my mind; sometimes more directly than others, but at the very least, it gives me an hour away from the chaos that my life has been turned into, an hour to meditate and contemplate. An hour of peace. After much lost sleep and troublesome pain, one night when I turned on the Celebration of the Holy Mass, I slept through it, in the contentedness of knowing that God was watching over me, I was comforted. I invited the Holy Ghost to come into me and take over for a while. It was the deepest, most peaceful sleep I'd had in weeks.
I am a firm believer in Divine Guidance and Divine Inspiration. I believe the things I am given to know, as I have often been told "But how did you know because I never told you about that." that it is the Holy Ghost imparting this knowledge to me. Likewise my writing, my artwork, my creations, the way I know how to heal-they are not matters of my conscious mind, but of a higher power which the "ego"part of my Freud defined psyche is astonished by. Yet there it is, and somehow wrought by my mind or by my hands. There is a higher power which flows through me. Lately, not as much as previously, perhaps because I was not open to it. I need to have that with me every moment of every day. It is the difference between my joy and my peace versus my sorrow and conflict. Sorrow does come with it at times because the truth is not always a matter of joy but a necessity to living. I often have to remind myself that most peole don't have this gift and truly are oblivious to anyone but their own self. While it would be easy to say that they are just plain self-centered, that is not the fact. I can "see" that they can't "see". It is not always easy. Especially when they demand to know how I know. I used to say "I don't know how I know. I just know." Now I do know- it is the Holy Ghost who gives this to me. From some things I am mercifully shielded. I used to think it was a requirement for becoming a "detective", but unfortunately, it isn't. And unfortunately, not a pre-requisite for an elected politician. Perhaps they do not seek it; perhaps it is reserved for Kings and Queens; perhaps it is their refusal to accept that this does exist in their attempts to discredit royal rule and successions.They just don't have it. Looking for it, in it's absence, it is a feeling that there is only empty flesh is the best I can explain it; a "blankness" which is disheartening. Were it otherwise, they would not do as they do. They would know what to preserve and what to destroy. It is in what they destroy that this absence is most evident.
That much of what I do is from Divine Guidance is more apparent at this time when I have not picked up a brush to do a painting or anything else really artistic in nearly four years. Though at times, an entire volume of poetry would spring from me, without re- writes, I've written perhaps five poems in nearly four years and they were cumbersome, not the flashes of inspirations which define most of my writings. I look at what my hands have wrought, not thinking myself capable of that, yet it was done by me. I see some certain things others have achieved; things thought "not humanly possible"......I have no doubt they had Divine Help, among other assistance. I have said that the knowledge came from God. Undergoing medical procedures I have prayed for God to guide the surgeon's hands. It has not failed. God is in the spirit form; it is us who must be open to be his instruments for good and manifest his will and work. It is man forcing man's will on everything in creation which disrupts the Universe. I know how much it has destroyed me, taking me away from where God chose for me. I am not in the USA by his will. That is not where he put me.
No, the Holy Ghost has not left me, just redirected me. The time has been split between healing my stepfather who was near to death at least twice if not more, keeping him from facing amputation of his feet and trying to end these infernal military actions and stop bankrupting the country and take care of this Earth, it's creatures, and the people of their own country. Additionally, an evil entered and it was nearly impossible to cast it out; it lurks, always, waiting to pounce.
And I did a terrible thing: I tried to make a bargain with God, who had asked for nothing, but that which was forfeit will never be restored until resurrection comes. It has left a hole in my life which might never be filled.
And I regret it more than anything I have ever done in my life. I gave up all that had given me the joy of my days, and it was too high a price to pay. But evil sneaks in whenever there is an opening.
So tonight, I realize, however temporary my abode may be, I have to turn it back to me. As it now is, the furniture is not properly placed, the closets not sensibly organised, paperwork and financial problems are everywhere. My mind has lately seen only black and white; my usual keeping of my abode is non- existent and all these things overpower what beauty and ability was bestowed on me.
The reasons for this are multiple, but reasons don't change the problem. I was agonizing over whether or not to expend the energy to put it my way, not knowing how temporary "here" will be and found myself in procrastinator's hell. So today I have concluded that if I do not change the result of what the various evils have caused, despite having banished them directly, they indirectly still prevail. I cannot allow this any longer because they are destroying my soul and draining the life out of me.
So for myself, I pray, Give me strength; and for my enemies, make them speak the truth and enlighten the ignorant and make them stop destroying everything that exists and stop them from financially bleeding us dry. And for myself again, when the time is right, the return to my homeland and my family, to where it was God's will, not man's, for me to be, yet not abandon the precious lives he entrusted to me.
Amen.
+ + +
Regine Pegi
(Reign Peace)
This thing I do more often now than ever is to tune in to Holy Mass broadcast from the Vatican. I know Pope Benedict is on 'Facebook', and though I am a fan of his, Facebook is not one of my stations.
More often than not, the context of the mass touches on something in my mind; sometimes more directly than others, but at the very least, it gives me an hour away from the chaos that my life has been turned into, an hour to meditate and contemplate. An hour of peace. After much lost sleep and troublesome pain, one night when I turned on the Celebration of the Holy Mass, I slept through it, in the contentedness of knowing that God was watching over me, I was comforted. I invited the Holy Ghost to come into me and take over for a while. It was the deepest, most peaceful sleep I'd had in weeks.
I am a firm believer in Divine Guidance and Divine Inspiration. I believe the things I am given to know, as I have often been told "But how did you know because I never told you about that." that it is the Holy Ghost imparting this knowledge to me. Likewise my writing, my artwork, my creations, the way I know how to heal-they are not matters of my conscious mind, but of a higher power which the "ego"part of my Freud defined psyche is astonished by. Yet there it is, and somehow wrought by my mind or by my hands. There is a higher power which flows through me. Lately, not as much as previously, perhaps because I was not open to it. I need to have that with me every moment of every day. It is the difference between my joy and my peace versus my sorrow and conflict. Sorrow does come with it at times because the truth is not always a matter of joy but a necessity to living. I often have to remind myself that most peole don't have this gift and truly are oblivious to anyone but their own self. While it would be easy to say that they are just plain self-centered, that is not the fact. I can "see" that they can't "see". It is not always easy. Especially when they demand to know how I know. I used to say "I don't know how I know. I just know." Now I do know- it is the Holy Ghost who gives this to me. From some things I am mercifully shielded. I used to think it was a requirement for becoming a "detective", but unfortunately, it isn't. And unfortunately, not a pre-requisite for an elected politician. Perhaps they do not seek it; perhaps it is reserved for Kings and Queens; perhaps it is their refusal to accept that this does exist in their attempts to discredit royal rule and successions.They just don't have it. Looking for it, in it's absence, it is a feeling that there is only empty flesh is the best I can explain it; a "blankness" which is disheartening. Were it otherwise, they would not do as they do. They would know what to preserve and what to destroy. It is in what they destroy that this absence is most evident.
That much of what I do is from Divine Guidance is more apparent at this time when I have not picked up a brush to do a painting or anything else really artistic in nearly four years. Though at times, an entire volume of poetry would spring from me, without re- writes, I've written perhaps five poems in nearly four years and they were cumbersome, not the flashes of inspirations which define most of my writings. I look at what my hands have wrought, not thinking myself capable of that, yet it was done by me. I see some certain things others have achieved; things thought "not humanly possible"......I have no doubt they had Divine Help, among other assistance. I have said that the knowledge came from God. Undergoing medical procedures I have prayed for God to guide the surgeon's hands. It has not failed. God is in the spirit form; it is us who must be open to be his instruments for good and manifest his will and work. It is man forcing man's will on everything in creation which disrupts the Universe. I know how much it has destroyed me, taking me away from where God chose for me. I am not in the USA by his will. That is not where he put me.
No, the Holy Ghost has not left me, just redirected me. The time has been split between healing my stepfather who was near to death at least twice if not more, keeping him from facing amputation of his feet and trying to end these infernal military actions and stop bankrupting the country and take care of this Earth, it's creatures, and the people of their own country. Additionally, an evil entered and it was nearly impossible to cast it out; it lurks, always, waiting to pounce.
And I did a terrible thing: I tried to make a bargain with God, who had asked for nothing, but that which was forfeit will never be restored until resurrection comes. It has left a hole in my life which might never be filled.
And I regret it more than anything I have ever done in my life. I gave up all that had given me the joy of my days, and it was too high a price to pay. But evil sneaks in whenever there is an opening.
So tonight, I realize, however temporary my abode may be, I have to turn it back to me. As it now is, the furniture is not properly placed, the closets not sensibly organised, paperwork and financial problems are everywhere. My mind has lately seen only black and white; my usual keeping of my abode is non- existent and all these things overpower what beauty and ability was bestowed on me.
The reasons for this are multiple, but reasons don't change the problem. I was agonizing over whether or not to expend the energy to put it my way, not knowing how temporary "here" will be and found myself in procrastinator's hell. So today I have concluded that if I do not change the result of what the various evils have caused, despite having banished them directly, they indirectly still prevail. I cannot allow this any longer because they are destroying my soul and draining the life out of me.
So for myself, I pray, Give me strength; and for my enemies, make them speak the truth and enlighten the ignorant and make them stop destroying everything that exists and stop them from financially bleeding us dry. And for myself again, when the time is right, the return to my homeland and my family, to where it was God's will, not man's, for me to be, yet not abandon the precious lives he entrusted to me.
Amen.
+ + +
Regine Pegi
(Reign Peace)
